Today Anna is sharing on something that I think we all can relate to on some level. Such good words. The photos you will be seeing are from a late summer photo session of Anna’s beautiful son Max and her handsome husband, Dema. Grab a mug of hot coffee and take a minute to read and digest Anna’s words….

  As a child, the ushering in of a new year meant nothing more to me than extra morsels of sweets and the chance to prove that I was indeed old enough to stay awake until that magical twelve o’clock hour when we would jump, holler and celebrate. I didn’t really understand the reason for celebration but I did kind of hope that my parents would realize that bedtime was an antiquated notion and that clearly I was capable of going to bed at any hour I might choose. Unfortunately, that never happened. What did happen is that I slowly grew to love the beginning of each new year. As I grew older, I started to recognize that life has seasons and that years serve to differentiate those seasons in our memories. With that understanding came a hope that each new year would be a fresh season, a clean slate, the chance to be a better version of myself than I had ever been.

Every year I would attempt to shut the door on my past, determined to lay aside old harmful habits and mindsets and I would start out on a quest toward perfection. I would join the gym, watch less TV, read more books, organize my life, lose weight and be a more grateful person. Suddenly life felt great, the pinnacle of success was just within my grasp, my whole world seemed to have shifted. . . and then. . . February would come. My momentum would slow, old habits creep back in and the pull of who I had always been would slowly (or sometimes quickly) take me over. For many years, I experienced this cycle and yet I kept believing in the power of the New Year, continually setting unrealistic goals and yes, continually falling short.

Finally, I decided something had to change. I was tired of the false hope and the devastating failure that inevitably followed. I still believed in the possibility of change. I had seen growth and I had learned that just a little discipline and hard work could take me a long way toward achieving those lofty goals I set. So what was causing the failure? Why didn’t the change last longer than a few weeks?  After much thought and reflection, I eventually came to the conclusion that perfectionism was my greatest barrier to progress. Let me give you an example.

I once set a goal to eat only whole foods. I knew it was best for my family and that we would feel better, be healthier, and lose weight. So off I went to the Farmers Market, so pleased with my new health-food-loving discipline. For two weeks, I just killed it. The scales showed improvement, my kitchen was stocked with a beautiful array of vegetables and fruits, my pantry full of quinoa and I felt so good, physically, emotionally and mentally. Then came the fateful night. My husband came home and casually suggested that we watch a movie and grab pizza. Now, I know that I could have said no to that darn pizza, but really, what fun is a movie without it? Besides, didn’t I deserve it for working so hard those last couple of weeks? In a blink before I even had a chance to feel guilty, my husband was off to pick up a movie, pizza and soda. He arrived back home and I was in heaven. Nothing had ever tasted so good. Two hours later the movie was over, the empty pizza box thrown away and reality hit hard. What was I thinking? I was doing so well and yet there I was, a failure. AGAIN. I might have given it another try or two but when temptation reared it’s ugly head again and I succumbed, I gave up for good. So much for a healthier year. . .maybe the next year would be better.  You see, there was only room in my head for that goal of perfect healthy eating and when I didn’t measure up, I gave up.

When I finally realized that I was getting nowhere, I decided it was time to change the way I approached my New Years resolutions. It’s taken some time but I feel like I have finally arrived. Not at perfection but at seeing my goals through a new lens. I no longer see them as black and white, all or nothing. Instead my aim is progress. I achieve this through sitting down and drawing a line starting with where I am and ending with where I want to be. On the beginning side I might write something like eating a lot of processed food, weekly stops at fast food, not enough variety in fruits and vegetables, and way too much pizza. On the other side I would write, all whole foods, eating fresh fruits and vegetables, limiting consumption of meat, no sugar, etc. There is a long line between the two. While my goal used to be to reach the other side immediately with no tolerance for failure, I now see the line as a path. I start where I’m at and move in the direction of the end goal. It might be a big step like cutting out all fast food or it might be a little step like fixing one salad meal a week. When my goal ceases to be perfection and instead I see it as a journey, I find that I can stay encouraged. There is room for failure built into the system because let’s be honest. We all fail. Now instead of seeing the failure and giving up, I choose to focus on the progress. Sure I ate a greasy pizza (and loved every bite) but more importantly, I look at the blueberries, avocados and almonds that have become a staple and I am encouraged to take another step.

I use healthy eating as an example because it hits most of us where we are. We all have room to improve in this vital part of life. However, the principle is the same for any goal we set. Instead of believing that January 1st is some magical day that is going to forever alter the course of our lives and make us happy with who we are, let’s just see it as the start. In fact, today could just as easily be that start. I chose to write this blog post a few weeks out from the New Year because I have a hunch that some of you have already given up on your New Years resolutions. Discouragement hits fast and hard. So I challenge you now to take the time to write out a few goals on a line describing where you are and where you want to be and then start this journey with me. On this journey success looks like ending the year closer to the goal than where you started. That’s it. No complicated system, no defeating failures, just steady movement in the direction of our ideals.

“If you are a real perfectionist, you can’t finish any job! We, the mortals, we don’t have enough time to be perfectionist! Perfectionism is the art of immortals!”

― Mehmet Murat ildan