Today Anna is sharing her heart with us on a topic we all feel and wrestle with. Her honesty and willingness to talk openly is beautiful. Find a few minutes, grab a cup of tea…and read on. Anna will take it from here…

 I’m a very introspective person. I think often of ways I want to grow, how I want to be better. I want my reality to match up to the picture I have in my mind of success as a woman, mother, wife, photographer, editor, and friend. I often sit in silence, trying to figure out why all the pieces are so hard to fit together. It seems so simple and yet in life, nothing is really simple. Maybe for some people it is. At least they sure make it look like it is. Heck, I probably make it look like it is to somebody. Maybe somebody that only sees me on Sunday morning as I stroll through the hallways of my church, smiling at people, waving across the room, showing off my little boy and his latest fashionable duds. They have no idea that I almost broke down that morning. Almost stayed home because it just didn’t seem worth it to try so hard again to make it look like I’ve got myself together, like I’m a good mom, Christian, wife, all the things that I desperately want to be.

 So what’s keeping me from it? Why do I feel as if I am failing at life? What is this one thing that’s holding me back, causing me to feel that I’m on the outside of my life looking in instead of holding on for dear life enjoying the ride? I wish I had the answers. These things are always complicated. But there is one answer that I’m sure of. One thing that has become such a part of me that my closest friends almost laugh to hear me say it one more time (probably because I reference it at least 20 times in every conversation).

It is fear.

 Such a small word but the reality of it carries so much weight. I know it is only as heavy as you allow it to be in your life but for me it’s a 10-ton weight on my shoulders. Fear of what you may ask? Sadly, of almost everything. Fear that I’m not good enough. Fear that I am at my core a bad person instead of a good one. Fear that I will not mother well this amazing little gift I’ve been given. Fear that I am not a creative person although I desperately want to be. Fear that I will fail at something that I really wanted to succeed at. Fear that I will lose someone I love. Fear of disappointing someone, anyone. The list could go on. I often focus on one of these things and try so hard to “work” on it. I throw my energy into becoming a more selfless person or decorating my house or developing a friendship. But nothing seems to change or get better. So I assume that I chose the wrong thing to focus on and switch to something else – maybe if I dress nicer or cook healthier, I will finally feel whole. What I have often failed to realize is that at the core of all of these things is fear. Ugly, debilitating, suffocating fear. The kind of fear that keeps you stuck, never moving forward. It feels a bit like quicksand. The more you listen to it and struggle to answer the dilemma it is presenting you with, the more you sink. Fear is funny like that. When I am fearful of not being a creative person, I’ll look to the most creative people around me and attempt to be like them. But in reality, I am robbing myself of the opportunity to be creative by trying to impersonate someone else. Or maybe, I’m afraid of failing at something so instead of throwing myself whole-heartedly into it, I walk with extreme caution, only doing as much as seems absolutely safe. But no one ever conquered new territory by walking safely. So the inevitable feared failure comes. Ironically, it had nothing to do with my skill. In fact, I may have had the skill to do great things in that sphere. Instead, I allowed the fear of failure to rob me of success.

 I’ve come to the conclusion that the root of many of our issues in life is simply fear. On one hand, that’s so discouraging. Why is it such a powerful force? On the other hand, I’m encouraged. Maybe if I learn to walk in freedom from fear, I would find that I am the person I want to be, that I can live the life that I long to live. Here are a few things I have learned along the way that have helped me to deal with fear in a healthier way.

 1.     Never wait for fear to be silent before moving toward your dreams.

 I remember telling my husband after we got married that we should wait a year before having a child. It seemed like a reasonable amount of time to have together before life got crazy. But then the year stretched into two and I still didn’t feel ready. I was just scared really. After all, what could be scarier than childbirth? Maybe raising a child? What if I had a child and something happened to him? Was it worth the heartbreak? Thankfully God began to work in my heart and I realized that there would never be a day when I would feel strong enough to face the fear and take on this massive challenge. So I stepped out in faith. I think sometimes we mistake courage as the absence of fear but it doesn’t work like that. I walked through nine months of pregnancy, absolutely terrified. I look back on that time with great pride because I refused to allow the fear to define our family. I walked in courage because I didn’t wait for the fear to be silent before I started the journey. And let me just say, the journey has been SO worth it.

 2.     Surround yourself with positive people that want to see you succeed.

 As sad as it is, I’ve been around people who secretly want those around them to fail. In fact, if I am completely honest with you, I would have to confess that I’ve been one of them from time to time – not my proudest moments for sure. Why would I be like this? Sometimes it’s just hard to see that someone else has what I want or is succeeding in a way that I have failed. Maybe if they would just trip up, it would put us on an even playing field and I could feel better about myself. But what a horrible way to view life and the people around me! It’s a sign of maturity to be able to feel genuine happiness for those that have what you desperately want. So make it a goal to push your friends toward success. If you make a habit of doing that, I’m pretty sure you will become the kind of person that others will want to cheer on as well.

3.     Speak to the fear.

Ok, maybe this sounds a bit creepy but seriously, we need to take back some power over our lives and our decisions.  Proverbs 18:21 says, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.” We have the power to speak life to ourselves. These are probably some of the most important conversations you will ever have. It goes something like this. Fear comes along and says, “You aren’t good enough. You will never be good enough. You might as well give up now.” I give it some thought and realize that fear is indeed right. I concede to it and embrace it as my identity. A few minutes later as I look around my house and see that it’s a mess, my child is crying for my attention and I still have no idea what I’m fixing for supper, I raise my hands in defeat because after all, I’m just not enough. I will never be enough so I might as well give up. The most natural thing to do in that moment is to curl up in bed and have a good cry. OR. . . when fear comes knocking on my door, I can stand up to it. I can tell it who I really am. I am of great value. I have been created in the image of God Himself and He loves me. Crazy, isn’t it? HE. LOVES. ME. And furthermore, I refuse to accept the identity that fear wants to push me into. I will not because I am strong. There is a purpose for my life today and I am going to live it out. What would happen if I would speak back to fear in this way? I’m pretty sure my house, my child, my husband and my work would all bear the mark of a woman who is walking in her true identity, a woman who is confident, happy and ready to take on the world.

These steps are never simple. These are not things that you do one time and then it’s done – these steps must be done over and over again, every time the fear speaks and they may be some of the hardest thing you will ever have to do. But I guarantee, walking courageously in spite of the fear, surrounding yourself with positive people and speaking life to yourself will make a difference.  In the meantime, take heart. You are not alone. We are walking this journey together. Xo, Anna

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

-Frank Herbert